So, it’s been a little while and I haven’t written a blog post in months and to be honest I’ve not really had the motivation. I’ve not had anything to say, and I’ve not had the time or energy to sit down and write.
As I’ve mentioned on my blog before I suffer from anxiety and depression and sometimes that can knock me off my feet completely! In the run-up to Christmas I was starting to run on empty mentally and my main goal was to keep head above water and enjoy the Christmas break, it was amazing and I relaxed with family and friends. During the break I promised myself that 2018 was going to be my year, I was going to conquer the next 12 months and improve every aspect of my life! Unfortunately, it been a tougher start to the year than I imagined and 2018 hasn’t kicked off with the force I wanted it to – my anxiety has come back in a dark and nasty way, leaving me powerless and a little bit of a mess – as I get older I find it more difficult to talk about my anxiety as I know some people will never understand and I know it will never go away. I’m not ashamed I have a mental illness, but from time to time I do feel a little pathetic and down on myself.
Firstly, I’m writing this post as a little bit of therapy, to admit to myself how I’ve been feeling and to stop brushing it under the rug as January blues or a couple of down days. Secondly, to hold myself accountable i’ve let things fall by the waste side, like seeing my family, posting on my blog and generally being positive. Thirdly, I want to be honest with my readers (if I have any left) because I know I’m not the only one feeling this way.
I am determined to turn this year around and not let January be the preview of 2018, so one of my goals is to keep my blog up and running! Not for the views, or the comments (although they do mean a lot), but instead, because I love writing for I was so proud of my blog last year. This year won’t be perfect and I’ll doubt I’ll be positive 24/7 but I really want to try to improve it. I’m working on some amazing blogs for this year and I can’t wait to share them with you and to make this year one to never forget.
If anyone reading this is struggling, please remember you’re not alone, people out there do understand where you’re coming from and are willing to listen. It’s OK not to be OK but it’s not OK to give up on yourself – just give yourself some time to heal and take care of yourself.